This morning in the carpool line Finn asked me why I was so scared of cancer.
Initially I wanted to deny the statement as my mind played back that scene of Rebecca Pearson telling Miguel she needed to be strong for her kids in the last ‘This is Us’ episode. Psh, me? I don’t think I’m scared of cancer, I think I’m handling things really well actually.
Simultaneously I’m thinking…why am I so scared of cancer? Because it’s a friggin’ monster that I am constantly thinking I can control and in doing so it is controlling me.
Lately I’ve been tempted to believe that I am not enough as a mom. I need to be stronger and not so “emotionally immature”. I need to suck it up in front of my kids like Rebecca Pearson. I’ve listened to other moms this week talk about their whole foods meal planning and how their 3 yr old kid ate a broccoli bowl for breakfast. (Uhmmm are you serious a broccoli bowl?!) I’ve believed lies that it’s all about having your “shiz” together and I’m nowhere close to having my “shiz” together.
You know what? Praise God I don’t have it together … yeah, that’s right! Thank the Lord my son can see my brokenness over scary things like cancer. I am never asked to hide.
Y’all- our Father wants us-bruised, filthy, broken and scared shitless. And when we’re honest about those broken places we open the door for Christ to fill up the cracks.
We are enough because He is enough. You can let go of the pressures, the comparisons, the FEARS, the constant lies that you’ll never be enough for your husband, your kids, your job, your dreams.
I’m thanking God for my little 6 yr old mirror today, and I’m choosing to tell him that I don’t have to pretend to not be scared of cancer. God always and forever meets us in our fears, our desperations, our failures and our imperfections.
We have nothing to prove and all His perfect love and grace to gain.